Once upon a time, bouncy teenaged Ollie Reynolds left Emmerdale for the big city, presumably in a fit of misery due to knowing that the only fit bloke in the village was off-limits, having been cast as her dad. Deciding to head for Weatherfield, she modified her name to Molly and acquired an unattractive baking eccentric father instead. This week, in a bid to acquire the sadly vacant throne of St. Vera Duckworth, she married the good-natured if brainless Tyrone Dobbs.
I don't know why you bothered, Molly. It is a universal truth of life that no soap marriage survives more than a week. Sunita Alahan spent approximately a hundred and eight years stood at the end of the bar in the Rovers, wearing the same denim jacket and sighing over Designer Dev. As soon as he proved himself willing to shell out for a wedding befitting a Bollywood masterpiece and equip his new wife with a baby bump of house-size proportions, Sunita fled. (Which, if she had the sense she was born with, she'd have done the first time he spoke to her.) Shelley Unwin was barely a Barlow before she discovered that husband Peter was merely a timeshare spouse. Maria Sutherland married Liam Connor all of about half an episode before he was mown down on the cobbles like Lisa Duckworth before him. Though, to be fair, his heart wasn't in it.
But, all the while that Liz McDonald's suitors came and went, we knew that we could have faith in Ken and Deirdre's long association. This is the couple who fell into bed to celebrate their first divorce, whose two marriages are as nothing to the enduring strength of their association. Wendy Crozier fled weeping, Samir Rachid left only a kidney to remember him to the acidulous Barlows...but now there's a new temptress in town, and her sights are set firmly on the Street's premier heartthrob. As Sable Colby sashays down the cobbles for the first time, can the Barlows survive the onslaught of shoulder pads and killer heels?
I bite my nails. Lay in the fags, Deirdre. It's going to be a hard year.
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